返回目录高分范文
A Visit to Fanhai Hope Elementary School Received a Warm Welcome
(1) A two-day visit to Fanhai Hope Elementary School organized by the Student Union of our university has been completed as scheduled this weekend.
(2) Aiming at fostering college students' service awareness and helping pupils of rural areas better understand the colorful college life so as to motivate them to study harder, the Student Union organized an activity named A Trip of Love Seed. (3) A team of 30 college students participated in this trip. (4) The visit was warmly welcomed by all the students and staff of Fanhai, followed by a range of colorful activities (5) such as the interaction among students about the fascinating college life, a visit to the school art show of students' works of painting and handicraft and teaching activities focusing on showing the magical science world to the pupils.
(6) Both the pupils and our college students were actively involved in all these brilliant activities. (7) And the headmaster of Fanhai spoke highly of this trip as well as the devotion, enthusiasm and creativity of our students.
精彩点评
(1) 开门见山,介绍新闻主要要素:事件的时间、地点和结果。
(2) 介绍活动的目的,使用现在分词短语Aiming at...作目的状语,增加句式多样性。
(3) 恰当使用短句点明参加活动的人数,体现长短句相间原则。
(4) 使用长句详细介绍活动经过,内容翔实,增加新闻可信度。
(5) 通过列举法详细说明活动内容,语言凝练,符合新闻稿文体特征。
(6) (7) 描述活动的效果：学生积极参与,希望小学的校长给予了高度评价。
全文翻译
泛海希望小学之行受到热烈欢迎
本周末5月15日、16日,我校学 生会组织的为期两天的泛海希望小学 参观之旅如期圆满结束。
为了培养大学生的服务意识、帮 助农村地区的小学生更好地了解多彩 的大学生活以激发其更加努力学习, 学生会组织了此次名为“爱的种子之 旅”的活动。大学生一行30人参加了 此次泛海希望小学之旅。泛海希望小 学位于山东省长清市农村,共有学生 156人。此次参观受到了泛海希望小 学全体师生的热烈欢迎。随后开展了 系列丰富多彩的活动,例如学生们 就精彩的大学生活进行互动,参观学 生们的绘画和手工作品展,以及重点 向小学生们展示神奇的科学世界的教 学活动。
希望小学学生和我校大学生都积 极参与了所有这些精彩的活动。泛海 希望小学的校长高度评价了此次参观 之行,并对我校学生的奉献精神、热情 和创造力大加赞赏。